Coming out as a bisexual in a relationship …

… is a life changer. No matter on which side you are going to experience this significant day in your relationship, it’s going to be a memorable one. The one who took this very courageous step, will feel relieved but will also be frightened. The partner receiving the news will feel anything from being hit by a landslide to the relieving sensation of finally saying “I knew it!”. But how to cope with the aftermath?

Stop, think, and act!

If you take a scuba diving course, this is one of the first golden rules you’ll learn in terms of problem solving. A rule, which always works. In this case, the partner who finally took all his or her strength, willpower, faith and – most of all – love and declared his or her bisexual nature to his or her partner, has most probably been thinking about this conversation for a very long time. If you are bi and have not taken this essential step, read this very witty, open and spot on article from Patrick Richards Fink on his blog “Eponymous Fliponymous“. Really … read it!

As for the one on the receiving end of this news flash, things look a bit different. If you’re this open-minded person who has been advocating and living free love in a relationship for half your life: bless you! Now might be a great time to uncork the champagne bottle you’ve kept for special occasions, call a beautiful bisexual friend, and have a little party.

More likely: for most of the long-term partners the coming out day of your loved one will feel anything but joyful.

The first things you will probably be feeling are:

  • Loss! Especially if you and your partner have been a team for many years, got married, have kids and so on. You might feel like you have lost this person and with him or her everything you have built up and lived for.
  • Anger! The good old F-word will come to mind in all its diversity. “Who the … do you … think you are … dropping this … … on me after 15 … years!!” You get the drift.
  • Denial! Instead of grabbing this issue by the horns, sticking your head in the sand initially seems like the easy way out. A very understandable and normal reaction, but clearly not the right way to get things right.
  • Sadness! Of course. You might have the feeling that you have lost someone; that this person has betrayed you and everything your relationship stood for. That hurts. A lot.

And you know what? It is OK to feel all those emotions. And it’s OK let them out. You should keep one thing in mind, though: Everything has a silver lining! But before you are even remotely able to see some light, you will need to find a way to accept the bisexuality of your partner. In a wonderful article from Elly Prior (Counsellor, Relationship Therapist, Founder and Author of professional-counselling.com), you can find some great thoughts, ideas and ways to work with this new situation. The most important skill you must master is to put yourself into the mind of your partner. There is no other way, if you want both of you to come out of this chapter not only standing, but even stronger. See the world out of his or her eyes and realise that he or she is not bisexual to hurt you. They are bisexual because they simply are.

Coming out: a positive step towards happiness!

Yes. Happiness! The bisexuality of your partner and the fact that he or she finally came clear to you has a truckload full of positive and beautiful aspects.

For you as a bisexual person, coming out to the one you truly love will take a massive weight of your shoulders! No more lying. No more doubts. No more hating yourself for not being honest with your loved ones. You are free.

As for the one who just heard the news … it will take a while to wrap your head around this new situation. But once you have made your peace with it, you have the chance to live your life with a truly free, lovable, and grateful partner who loves you even more than all these years before. Maybe you will find a new approach to sexuality and discover a new and exciting world? If you cannot cope with the bisexuality of your partner and decide to go separate ways, that’s OK. At least you know that he or she loved you so much, that living a life filled with lies, bad conscience and deceit was not an option.


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September 17, 2017 Coming out as a bisexual in a relationship …